it's not the same anymore.
you can try, but it's not the same.
i don't feel the connection.
i don't feel anything at all.
i tried. we tried.
i saw. we saw.
i felt it. we felt it.
yet why do we still hold on?
i can't face the reality.
i don't wish to.
i want everything back.
back to the first moment itself.
but that can't happen, can it?
i wish it could. but it can't.
someone tell me:
why can't i face the truth to things?
answer: because truth itself is a horrible thing
it is when a terrible sense of realisation befalls.
facts are facts,
we can't change anything.
i don't want to.
but i have to.
i'm hurt. we all are.
but,
there's nothing we can do
except bear the pain,
move on,
and every time we see the scars,
let it be a painful reminder
of what was lost.

You might think I'm busy; you might think I don't care,

But just remember this:

I'm always watching, I'm always observing, and I'll never forget.

thanks.

i'm going for cypher camp tomorrow. all the way until saturday.

but i'm bringing my laptop along, so no worries(:

i swear to whichever god that i'm supposed to belong to, that i fucking hate my sister. she's the one who started all this mess at home, why do i have to be the butt of all this?

_|_

sometimes i get this kind of feeling, but that just shows that i really love you.

i am reallyreally tired. have been working for 3 days straight, cypher camp coming up this wed.

went out for SYOG CEP outing today, but end up only 5 of us turn up. was quite moody cuz i was tired, they were all girls and they were poking fun of me retaining. made me really sad actually, but well something else made me feel much worse.

the internet at home reallyreally sucks.

My RP story.

Let me tell you a story.

This is the story of how a boy, through a miraculous transformation, turned out to be the man he is now.

Back in 2007, when the boy first enrolled into Republic Polytechnic, he was elated. He was glad that, even with his terrible ‘O’ level scores, he could further his studies in a diploma. This was RP’s Diploma in Interactive and Digital Media.

Little did he know, for soon he would soon start to dislike his school.
Like many others, the boy felt that he was wasting his first year taking the other irrelevant modules he was required to do. He felt that he was wasting his time, and therefore he took his ‘O’ level examinations a second time, in hope of getting a better score, and transferring elsewhere.

A better score he did get, but by then, it was already the end of his first year. He thought to himself, since he has already wasted a year, why not continue until he graduates with a diploma? And so, he continued on with his “studies” in the polytechnic.

By the beginning of his second year, he had already lost much hope in what his school could offer him. It was then, that the miracle happened.

He slowly became acquainted to the rest of his diploma-mates, like the boy named Thexeira together with his legion of noisemakers from the class diagonally-opposite to his, and the other boy who prefers to be referred to as NobodyHome. By then, he has already been on good terms with another boy by the name of Chance, whom the boy knew through a coffee-shop on the opposite side of the school.

It was these three major influences that have made him what he is today.

NobodyHome, who was in the same class as him, was like a brother to the boy, both of them sharing similar interests in design, so much so that the boy could trust NobodyHome’s judgement whenever he doubts his skill. Thexeira’s band of merry men, were the ones who brought out the boy’s true calling; to become a people person, and it was Chance, who taught the boy how to live his life truly, how to take charge of his life.

Together with these three influences, plus the many encouraging words from the people he soon started calling ‘friends’, the helping hands in his times of failure, and last, but not the least, the support of the teachers that have taught him many valuable skills, the boy, has finally become a man.

And with the end of this story,

This boy says, “Thank You. To all of You.”

void of e.

did nothing much today. paid a visit to my district's community lot, to claim coupons for NTUC . I was drifting around this part of our country with nothing much to do, during which i had this notion of blogging without a particular symbol/insignia commonly found in most words of our lingo.

it is with much difficulty that i am posting this blogpost today, going through paragraph by paragraph, again and again.

i was thinking, if i had a stab at this thought/plan into my applications into a local institution in my upcoming days following the conclusion of my study at this instance, i would, with no hardship at all, land a position into any option i wish.

now, how scholarly am i? hahahaha

today i saw the queerest thing. i saw a carpark being used like a real park would be used. there was a primary school teacher with primary school kids at the 6th storey, and there was a jogger as well. that carpark has the whole top level as a garden. so i guess its like a real park then cuz i was strolling around in the carpark as well. now all we lack is a picnic.

darren and i got free entry to the night safari, so we pretended like we were tourists. very fun.

okay, so monday i went swimming and gymming. had alot of fun, but nothing much to talk about(:

yesterday was the big event.
We had like foreigners going to the hort park, and cuz it was raining in the morning, the weather was humid, plus the sun was shining thru the clouds, so it became what i call the 'sauna effect'. friggin hot. first time i actually had a sunburn without the sun shining on me.

all in all, yesterday proceeded quite smoothly, diyanna said she wanted to kill me while smiling. lunch was good, but i couldn't eat half of it cuz of chilli, then they got old chang kee currypuffs and springrolls. i only ate one chicken and mushroom and half a spring roll. oh, yusri's station had left over dragonfruit, cleared 3/4 of the box really fast, then suffered the consequences when i reached back home.

we also emptied all the ice from our cooler boxes into the fountain and the swimming pool exhibit, cuz we didn't know where to dump it. so yesterday actually quite bullshitty la, but damn fun.

after the event, steph, yusri, lillian, abu and i went to vivo for dinner, then when we reached there we realised it was free cone day at B&J, because of the massive queue snaking in and out. we didn't bother queueing, making this year my 3rd year skipping free cone day, haha.

you can't see the merlion from the top of vivo anymore. the IR is blocking everything. they have really really short fireworks as well. and lillian wants to train abu's dragon.

haslin murat,

by any chance you're still reading this, don't worry. i hate you as well.

get the fuck out of my life.

okay, i didn't blog the past two nights cuz i was receiving my training as CSC at the night safari. pretty decent job with a rather high pay, considering that all i do is tear or punch tickets.

i gotta work at least 12 nights every month, but i don't know my school schedule/YOG schedule at all. i guess all my friday and saturday nights are taken, but that just gives me 8 nights.

overheard while waiting for the bus to the zoo:
girl: (to her little brother) give me any two numbers!
boy: 20 + 10?
girl: 30!
boy 100 + 100?
girl: 200!
boy: 1000 + 1000?
girl: you give me so big number how can??

the other trainee together with me got rejected. no wonder she wasn't forced to go on the animal show and tram ride with me.

the moment i receive my night safari badge, i enjoy alot of privileges to all three parks, the bird park, the zoo and the night safari. in the future, when the river safari opens, i can go in free as well. i just need to flash my employees badge and that's it, plus i get discounts everywhere.

its like having a membership where they pay you, lol.

today had the first practice run at hort park.

i am tired. i forgot details. but i can see that everyone had fun.

Andy treat everyone dessert, but i didn't get one, cuz i already had my own.

next week is the real deal. i am ready for it.

我会永远抱着你。

went for cypher camp dry run 1 today. they said 9 - 6, but ended up 10 - 12. totally retarded.

i look at this batch of student leaders, and i think to myself: other than those that have experience due to previous cypher camps, the new SL's cannot make it. i look at their face and i know.

seriously, how can you be an SL if you're SHY?? LOL.

cut my hair at the QB at causeway point. the bloody hairdresser got problem, now my hair looks like shit. i'm still deciding whether to buzzcut, or to let it grow long again.

cousin staying over at my place cuz she just had some laser surgery to remove her birthmark which dominates majority of her right cheek. used my mom's bathtub, and ended up clogging up the thing. so what did they do? call in the resident plumber: me.

tomorrow will be a better day, i just know it (:

一步一步，陪你走。一天一天，握你手。

i think there's something wrong with the weather. rain, stop, rain, stop. can't even swim properly.

didn't do anything much today, just went out for fun.

edit/: yesterday is no longer the best day of my 2010, TODAY is the best day of my 2010. wait, make that the best day of my life ((((:

我握住你的手，一起走一走。

went to NUS open house today with steph, the last of the open houses. NUS had alot of goodies in their goody bags, but the bags themselves were nothing more than two canvas bags.

i seriously think the sheares hall of NUS is damn cool la. if i get into NUS i'm definitely staying there, but because entry into NUS is so bloody steep(not really interview based, so me sad), i highly doubt i can get in.

had lunch at this makeshift tent thing, had a wrap consisted of veges(tasted like yusheng in a wrap), and hot and spicy tofu. the tofu damn shiok, thank god ate chilli med last night, nothing happened to me today.

right after lunch, saw megan. W.T.F. she's like hunting me down. i really think she hates me alot. i can literally feel the bad vibes when i see her.

went to NUS law school after that, had a tour and found out about the headless white lady at that campus. i don't believe. attend a mock court session, and now i know whose face to look out for when i need to hire a lawyer in the future; i'm never hiring the prosecution.

today is the happiest day of my 2010 so far, and nothing can ruin it(:

wow. what a fucking waste of my time. get lost, i don't wanna see you or talk to you ever again.

NTU open house.

today, i went to NTU's open house with steph. got tons of goodies and vouchers, and they gave this superb bag as the goodie bag. damn nice i tell you.

went around looking at the different degrees. basically i have totally no chance at all to jump to a different field of studies cuz the rest are all looking for 'A' math, so i guess i gotta stick to the media and design part, since they are also portfolio dependent.

saw megan halfway through, so we quickly walked away and hid, but we lift our eyes off her for less than 10 seconds and she mysteriously disappears. wow. that's what i call magic.

did this sand art thingie. my art and craft skills must be failing, i think mine looked like crap.

reached home, saw another bitching post about me on haslin's fb profile. it's like, wtf?! been asking her what the fuck did i do, she keeps calling me a liar. i didn't even lie to her about anything. totally fucked up. and she throw's my jacket away. i really really liked that jacket.

haslin, by any chance you are reading this, if you got anything to say, JUST FUCKING SAY IT IN MY FACE, STOP FUCKING BITCHING AROUND BEHIND MY BACK. WHO'S THE LIAR NOW? STOP LYING TO EVERYONE.

today, i went to the first CEP training at hortpark with steph, bith of us are in charge of the same station. had like an ice breaking game, where we had to affix an adjective to our name with the same starting letter, so i chose to be called "simple sebastian", then we had to remember everyone's name in a round, and i just had to be last.

after that, went to great world to watch alice in wonderland with steph and dunno how many other YOG people, didn't see weihao, but saw other people around, like alan. first time i saw the prada dude not wearing business shirt. the movie was okay, except for the irritating sheen that you see on everything when you put on 3D glasses, the story was alright, johnny depp was good, as usual, but personally i feel that this is oen of the lousier tim burton films.

on the way back received fucked up messages from haslin, telling me to say goodbye to my stuff. i asked her what the fuck did i do, and she didn't reply. funfair liddat. walked home, got on facebook only to realise that she threw my stuff away. whatever you can do i can do better.

best part is, there's this kid 3 years younger than me trying to challenge me. he made some stupid comment on haslin's FB page then deleted it, but i saw it first, so i told him to keep his butt out. here are the messages:

Sebastian TheFool 13 March at 01:17
eh, i suggest you keep your comments to yourself. know what happened, then comment, fucktard.

Matin Sjaichudin 13 March at 01:21 Report
y???got rule on fb tat say tat i can't comment on other ppl meh???if have then u tell me

Sebastian TheFool 13 March at 01:22
no, but you're just showing how fucking retarded you are.

Matin Sjaichudin13 March at 01:24 Report
no i dun think so...i think you're the one. cos u think u've got such nice vocab think u very big and scary.. hahaha u have to grow up u noe??

Sebastian TheFool 13 March at 01:25
yea, says the kid younger than me. spell properly, pig.

Matin Sjaichudin 13 March at 01:26 Report
younger but smarter lol.....

Sebastian TheFool 13 March at 01:27
yea, like totally smarter. wayyyy smarter in fact. why don't we meet up to see who's smarter?

and it ends there. i think he blocked me or sth cuz i don't see his profile pic and name in the msgs anymore. god i hate gutless people. want to pick a fight, then make sure you carry it out.

whatever, i couldn't really be bothered. i'm living my life, and i sure as hell not gonna let you affect it.

today, i went out with steph(yes, no more Y or XY or S) to continue volunteering at the YOG office.

when we reached there, i received a call from christian(a person) confirming our attendance in tomorrow's YOG movie bash (we're gonna go watch Alice in Wonderland), and i was already standing behind him when he was asking, hahaha.

i can't wait for tomorrow!!!!!

oh steph doesn't know 4 out of 5 ingredients i add to my honey water. the rest of you all doesn't know any of the 5. but let me assure you people that it's nothing illegal/harmful, they're commonly used ingredients okays. so steph, stop thinking i'm gonna kidnap you, i have better methods la.

why i chose to change my blog URL.

because i'm sick and tired of people prodding into my life.
because i'm sick and tired of using alphabets as names.
because i'm sick and tired of all her bullshit.
and because i'm sick and tired of her.

no more.

spent the last two days at the DIDM chalet. paid 20 bucks to eat a few cheesy hotdogs and a few satay, everything else was spicy so i cant eat.

will upload photos when i have the time.

spend tuesday daytime with Y at hortpark, cuz she hasn't been to the hortpark before and we were supposed to be stationed there for YOG duties. walked around, and when we were staring at a fish tank where all the fishes were staring at one single direction, a monitor lizard scuttled behind us and Y screamed and started whining cuz she's afraid of big lizards apparently.

18th is the day i confirm my job position at night safari, wish me luck. i have alot of things to do til then.

til then, go ahead and blame all your crazy shit on me. i don't care anymore.

你为什么不回来拿你的神秘礼物？

woke up this morning with a lousy mood. rarely do i wake up with a lousy mood.

stayed at home throughout today. did chores, then went to gym alone to workout for awhile since i had nothing to do. came back home, and it's like nothing happened even when i wasn't around. didn't have lunch, doubt i gonna have dinner.

i can't think. whatever's bothering me is blocking out the thoughts. i hope i'm better tomorrow. if this continues for the week i might just disappear. no one would miss me anyway.

regret. redemption.

remind me how this came to be,

every single line i see,

getting over my history,

rekindles hatred towards me.

empathy not where it seems,

there lies no options, to be redeemed.

后悔发生的一切.

today, went to SMU open house with XY, she just wanted to go see the social sciences part of SMU, so i followed lo, since yesterday's celebration also carried over today. tried to find out how a poly student can get into SMU also, and was horrified to find out that YOU NEED A-MATHS IN 'O' LEVELS TO GET INSIDE, AND A-MATHS IS THE ONE SUBJECT I DON'T HAVE! die.

after that we went to bugis, saw BS working, then she stare at XY, then at me. i was like, NO LA. then she got back to work, lol. had lunch at Fish & Co, first time i had something proper there, usually i just get chowder. apparently the platter for two is not really for two, cuz we couldn't finish, and it actually filled me up so much that i didn't need dinner.

Oh, and the one great thing that happened to us today: we finally found the thought-to-be-extinct Meiji's banana chocolate!!! wooo~

came home and re-examined my education options: i've decided to pursue psychology as a priority, and if not, i'm just gonna stay within art. if by some freak of nature chance that i can't excel in the arts area, then i'm just gonna be a teacher. yeah that's about it. trying not to get overseas if i can, can't really last without my friends.

从今天开始, 你所说的, 我会听取一切.

went to collect 'A' level results with XY today, she was happy with her results, above her class average. i'm proud of her la, but on the other hand, J, who got better results, was emo, cuz he's from hwachong JC and apparently you become an outcast just by getting a B, and J got 2 B's. lol.

was supposed to celebrate the good 'A' level outcomes, but didn't cuz XY parents already bought dinner for her, so just came home lo. my brother got sucky chinese results, i'm home early in case my mom gets too angry, cuz she's very proud of her heritage, so she wants us to excel in chinese. lol.

made S angry cuz i keep saying i wanted to treat her. to me, it's an act of chivalry, but since it makes you unhappy, i'll stop, okay (:

image credit to paperdaisies, deviantart.

my way of communication, it travels through my dreams,

profound messages that appear in a stream.

morning after morning, as i lie in my bed,

i contemplate what's going on around in my head.

today, they told me, to treasure what i lost,

today, they showed me, who i cared for the most.

with these visions reveal, their advice concealed,

"make sure she's happy, no matter what the cost."

i took their heed, i held on to their words,

for true love is a syndrome, it's pain is never heard.

even if i had to, i'll watch you from afar,

for i hope that you'll remember, you've always been my star.

image credit to uber dadeh, deviantart

disappear, my dreams, as you move towards the sky,

fluttering, slowly, like golden butterflies.

go on, and fly, far up high if you can,

for you'll never last long enough, if you were in my hands.

my mistakes, they haunt me, they fill me with unrest,

the thought of things that happened, it just leaves me depressed.

"an eye for an eye", is what people always say,

i hope the day will never come, for the betrayed will betray.

if only i could, i'll turn back time, i would,

back to the days where you and i once stood.

if only, if you'll give me, the chance to start anew,

i'll make up to you, the time we lost, these words i hold true.

image credited to duolegur, deviantart.

thank you lord, for restoring thy interneth.

for the past few days, singtel had problems with the internet, thats why i didn't blog. it was in the papers, i'm not bluffing. serious. life seriously sucks without the internet.

i'm veryveryvery sad now. cuz i just went through my email and it says that my application for youth planning committee of NDP is rejected; i wasn't shortlisted. is it because i'm from poly? )))))))))))))))))))))))))))):

before that i was veryveryvery happy. cuz just now went out with Y, went to the YOG headquarters to volunteer. Y and i packed like more than a couple of hundreds of goodie bags, and i was like in a trance, until i reached for the car decals to be included, and realised there wasn't any left.

after that went to vivo cuz i needed to go to the "honeymoon desserts" shop to check it out cuz the boss, J, really wants me to work there. so Y and i went to vivo, ate subway first, then went over. we walked right pass the shop, then i called J, only to be told to walk back. nthe place is not bad la, but i don't really wanna work there cuz long hours, and the place quite cramped for someone with long everything like me. i think i'm gonna apply for night safari.

before Y and i reached the shop, we walked pass this marriage photography exhibition in the middle of vivo, then two people stopped us, thinking Y and I gonna get married. so after going to the shop, Y and i decided to try walking around again, so including the 2 from before, we got a total of 8 approaches from the wedding people! AHHAHAHAHAHAHA(:

if only it was true huh, LOL.

image credit to darunia art, deviantart.

Yes i know that,

you and i, my love,

if we were together,

we could rise above.

Just sit in silence,

take a look and listen,

outside your window,

as the world glistens.

Look at us now,

wandering in the dark,

with nowhere to go,

not as much as a spark.

look at this world,

spinning all around us,

giving us hope,

while the sun rises fast.

as the world awakens,

the light is chasing,

as all the darkness around,

start disappearing.

My love,

as i listen to your breathing,

it sounds just like the ocean,

its sounds just like the breeze.

inspired by the lyrics of Canto Della Terra by Andrea Bocelli

Happy chinese valentine's day.

food critic: RamenPlay

today, i had the worst tasting ramen i ever had in my life. it was so bad, that i didn't bother to finish the bowl, and you people who know me, should know that i always finish my food unless its really bad.

it was from this place called RamenPlay, located at B3 of somerset313, a joint venture from the people of BreadTalk and some jap restaurant. It says its a new hangout for ramen enthusiasts. yeah right, if i brough sxn and chance over, i bet they would tear the place down. yes, it's that bad.

the ramen were factory made noodles that looked and tasted like superthick wonton mee noodles. the soup was fish stock, yes, but it was seriously too salty. the meat slices were thin enough to actually become translucent, and all original flavor has been lost; all you taste is the taste of processed food.

i mean, come on, its backed up by a big company, and the prices are like what they charge at baikohken, so why can't they even meet ajisen level? i would seriously rather have ajisen compared to this, ajisen even has set meals.

one more thing is, on the drinks menu they had pepsi and pepsi twist. pepsi twist is like $2.50, but normal pepsi is $2.80. it's like, wth?! the only thing that was nice there was the ajitama, it was done just nice. that's all the good points i have to say. seriously.

if they want to survive longer than half a year, then they have alot of changing to do, else i doubt even the most average of local tastebuds will return there again.

boredom.

stayed at home today, so i had a lot of time to sort out my thoughts. took out my old clay flute to play, and realised i forgot the system, so i took a few hours off the day to re-establish myself and familiarize with it. LOL.

was supposed to go to the gym today, but after my sis said out loud that it was dangerous without a spotter, mom didn't let me go. it's like, come on, i'm not pumping serious iron, i'm just keeping myself fit=.=

wrote a couple of poems, should be posting them up in days to come, but i think their not really there yet, so abit of tweaking to do. seems that everytime the school holidays arrive, i become three times smarter, and think a whole lot quicker than compared to school time, where i'm usually stoning. if i were president, i would make everyday a holiday so i can think.

the underwater world person still hasn't replied, so i think that i have no more hope of clinching that facilitating job, so in the end, i still need one. hope i have something of more interest to do tomorrow, i hate rotting around with nothing to do.

today, went out for awhile, and went to watch percy jackson and the lightning thief cuz i wasn't feeling well enough to go vernon house for CNY visiting. i dunno, i just feel damn sian basically. other than that, nothing much.

found this website http://www.omg-facts.com. very very interesting. go read if you're bored, lol.

hope people that weren't feeling alright yesterday feel better today.

rainbow.

as i stepped on the pedal, it spun forcefully alive,

as though it could take flight, right up into the sky.

the arms that you wrapped, around me from behind,

seemed to be a little tighter than your usual bind.

i followed the riverbend right to it's tip.

i went through the gate that had a "no entry" sign which was flipped.

throwing down the bicycle, i looked up into the sky.

the vivid colors of imagination, it just stuck into my mind.

i tried to remember, how you smiled back then,

but without any luck, i just can't seem to recall them.

I remembered, from that day, the colors of the wind,

the times, and the dreams, they help the day begin.

we wanted to paint a tomorrow, perfect and with valour,

it seemed that we used too much of the pretty colors.

so let's paint tomorrow, hand in hand, once again.

using our broken dreams as the base of our paint.

as if the sad pages of our lives didn't exist.

we painted many colors over our unhappiness.

a page with so many colors, it'll never be white again.

but that's alright, with the coming of tomorrow, that's when we'll begin.

inspired by the lyrics of アオゾラペダル (Aurora Pedal) By Arashi.

image credits to Emindeath, deviantart.

DIDM soccer day.

went to school today for soccer with the DIDM people. chance was supposed to go together since, number 1, he's an honorary DIDM member, and number 2, he forfeited his promise of going to the gym this whole week with me, so he was supposed to go exercise. supposed to meet him at 11 at causeway, but he ended up staying at home cuz he only woke up at 2-3p.m.

it's been ages since i played soccer cuz i can't kick the ball and aim at the same time, and i'm lazy to run up and down, so usually i play as the goal keeper, and i think i do a pretty good job at it too. The sun was sweltering hot today, except for a few lengths of shade. i was wearing the subway shirt while playing cuz i don't want to wear cotton and get sweaty, and because the subway shirt has a sorta-V thingie because of the collar, i now have a V-shaped sunburn in the middle of my chest, like an Ultraman.

gordon brought his basketball, so when we weren't kicking the soccerball around we were shooting hoops, and i've become so lousy at basketball that i actually couldn't hit the board from the 3-point line in some shots. gosh.

after that, the most ridiculous thing happened. an old security lady came over and asked whether we were all from RP, and i said yes, we are all from RP, the same diploma. she kept repeating her question, asking whether i'm sure that everyone there was from RP. GODDAMMIT OF COURSE I'M SURE. lol. then she was like, did you know you need to book the court, and we didn't know, cuz out of the many times we played there, not once did we book it since it was always open and empty. worst part is, our basketball court is open to those in the hostel, and they play anytime they want. WE WERE RP STUDENTS BEING CHASED OUT OF RP FACILITIES. its like, what the hell luh. she then disappeared, and everyone was in a bad mood, then she suddenly came back and asked for our metric cards. what, she actually didn't believe that we were RP students. she's like one of the new guards luh, never seen her before, never talked to her before either. no one was in the mood to continue after that so we stopped.

sxn actually came all the way down from bedok to school just to give me the pay from yesterday's stuff-moving. then he went home, and the rest of us went home too. so now i'm like $50 bucks richer. Oh, and i think fifi fractured his big toe, cuz it was big ass swollen. a big toe fracture is like, pointless, cuz it's a fracture, so that's important, but it's on the big toe, which i don't think you use very much.

credits to xKeepYourSoulx, deviantart, for the picture.

went to move stuff today, from 124 pioneer road all the way to vivo. there's a new restaurant opening soon, lol.

the underwater world fella hasn't replied me yet. me sad.

spent the other half of the day at chance's place playing game with mao. was very distracted cuz worrying about people in general. then went to meet mao at chance's house downstairs that coffeeshop, and saw that mao's long hair was cut into NS style, damn funny.

nothing much other than that. i hope i don't need to worry anymore.

Today's internet is stupidly bitchy.

i applied for a job at the underwater world as a camp facilitator. i really really hope i get it, one day camp at $130 each, why not huh(: i'll be teaching kids about "Life in the Ocean", as well as organising treasure hunts, if i get the job.

In other news, i think i'm suffering from having split personalities. My normal self is like all emo now, except infront of certain people whom i don't wish the affect, while my drunk self is like, all crazy and angry at me. whoever drinks with me knows i can't take hard liquor, so today, since with the internet bitchy and all, i downed a whole bottle of glen's, and i got myself wasted, and i "slept" it off. when i woke up i found myself clutching a piece of paper with angry scribbles directed at me, apparently from myself.

well, at least my other self dares to say what i don't.

credits mungo23 of deviantart

updates.

yea, i've been feeling rather down lately because of recent events. i didn't even know that i could cry so much without suffering from dehydration, but anyways, what's done is done, there's nothing i can do about it. time to look forward i guess.

i'm getting really bored of rotting at home. it's always like that isn't it, when you're in school you can't wait for the hols, and when the hols come you can't wait for school again.

But this time, school will be different. My friends have mostly graduated.

goddammit now i'm feeling down again. school's not really any fun when you don't have your friends around.

anyways, now i need a job. something that is hopefully not an office job, but by the end of this week, i'll take anything. now i'm still choosing. that clarence said he would try and set me up as a tutor, but no news at all. ben gay took my number and said there's a filming job, but no news at all. zzz.

oh, and i've also decided to regain posting regularly on the blog, due to the fact that nothing is taking up my time now. most likely i'll blog about what happened in my life, be it interesting or not, since i guess this will be the only place that my friends (that bother) can actually keep track of what's happening in my life now.

i'm thinking of changing the blog layout, preferably something original, but if i'm lazy, i'll go download someone else's, lol. and i'm also thinking of changing the blog link, but that's alot of trouble actually.

well, we'll just have to see won't we.

it's time to let go, but somehow i just don't want to.

another twenty wishes - by sbaschen.

i wish, i wish, upon a star,
i wish to love you from afar.
i wish to stop this feeling of sorrow,
i wish to hold your hand tomorrow.
i wish that i could turn back time,
i wish that you would still be mine.
i wish that i could right my wrongs,
i wish that i could still be strong.
i wish for you on lonely nights,
i wish to be your shining knight.
i wish that i could still redeem,
i wish it wasn't just my dream.
i wish for things to be set straight,
i wish we still could go on dates.
i wish i could control our fates,
i wish we could become soul mates.
i wish that i could still be yours,
i wish to hold you as we soar.
i wish upon a star so bright,
i wish for things to be alright.

dedicated to steph.

its over.

my life is just one big fucking joke. and i swear to god, it's really funny but i just don't get it.