void of e.

did nothing much today. paid a visit to my district's community lot, to claim coupons for NTUC . I was drifting around this part of our country with nothing much to do, during which i had this notion of blogging without a particular symbol/insignia commonly found in most words of our lingo.

it is with much difficulty that i am posting this blogpost today, going through paragraph by paragraph, again and again.

i was thinking, if i had a stab at this thought/plan into my applications into a local institution in my upcoming days following the conclusion of my study at this instance, i would, with no hardship at all, land a position into any option i wish.

now, how scholarly am i? hahahaha

today i saw the queerest thing. i saw a carpark being used like a real park would be used. there was a primary school teacher with primary school kids at the 6th storey, and there was a jogger as well. that carpark has the whole top level as a garden. so i guess its like a real park then cuz i was strolling around in the carpark as well. now all we lack is a picnic.

darren and i got free entry to the night safari, so we pretended like we were tourists. very fun.

okay, so monday i went swimming and gymming. had alot of fun, but nothing much to talk about(:

yesterday was the big event.
We had like foreigners going to the hort park, and cuz it was raining in the morning, the weather was humid, plus the sun was shining thru the clouds, so it became what i call the 'sauna effect'. friggin hot. first time i actually had a sunburn without the sun shining on me.

all in all, yesterday proceeded quite smoothly, diyanna said she wanted to kill me while smiling. lunch was good, but i couldn't eat half of it cuz of chilli, then they got old chang kee currypuffs and springrolls. i only ate one chicken and mushroom and half a spring roll. oh, yusri's station had left over dragonfruit, cleared 3/4 of the box really fast, then suffered the consequences when i reached back home.

we also emptied all the ice from our cooler boxes into the fountain and the swimming pool exhibit, cuz we didn't know where to dump it. so yesterday actually quite bullshitty la, but damn fun.

after the event, steph, yusri, lillian, abu and i went to vivo for dinner, then when we reached there we realised it was free cone day at B&J, because of the massive queue snaking in and out. we didn't bother queueing, making this year my 3rd year skipping free cone day, haha.

you can't see the merlion from the top of vivo anymore. the IR is blocking everything. they have really really short fireworks as well. and lillian wants to train abu's dragon.

haslin murat,

by any chance you're still reading this, don't worry. i hate you as well.

get the fuck out of my life.

okay, i didn't blog the past two nights cuz i was receiving my training as CSC at the night safari. pretty decent job with a rather high pay, considering that all i do is tear or punch tickets.

i gotta work at least 12 nights every month, but i don't know my school schedule/YOG schedule at all. i guess all my friday and saturday nights are taken, but that just gives me 8 nights.

overheard while waiting for the bus to the zoo:
girl: (to her little brother) give me any two numbers!
boy: 20 + 10?
girl: 30!
boy 100 + 100?
girl: 200!
boy: 1000 + 1000?
girl: you give me so big number how can??

the other trainee together with me got rejected. no wonder she wasn't forced to go on the animal show and tram ride with me.

the moment i receive my night safari badge, i enjoy alot of privileges to all three parks, the bird park, the zoo and the night safari. in the future, when the river safari opens, i can go in free as well. i just need to flash my employees badge and that's it, plus i get discounts everywhere.

its like having a membership where they pay you, lol.

today had the first practice run at hort park.

i am tired. i forgot details. but i can see that everyone had fun.

Andy treat everyone dessert, but i didn't get one, cuz i already had my own.

next week is the real deal. i am ready for it.

我会永远抱着你。

went for cypher camp dry run 1 today. they said 9 - 6, but ended up 10 - 12. totally retarded.

i look at this batch of student leaders, and i think to myself: other than those that have experience due to previous cypher camps, the new SL's cannot make it. i look at their face and i know.

seriously, how can you be an SL if you're SHY?? LOL.

cut my hair at the QB at causeway point. the bloody hairdresser got problem, now my hair looks like shit. i'm still deciding whether to buzzcut, or to let it grow long again.

cousin staying over at my place cuz she just had some laser surgery to remove her birthmark which dominates majority of her right cheek. used my mom's bathtub, and ended up clogging up the thing. so what did they do? call in the resident plumber: me.

tomorrow will be a better day, i just know it (:

一步一步，陪你走。一天一天，握你手。

i think there's something wrong with the weather. rain, stop, rain, stop. can't even swim properly.

didn't do anything much today, just went out for fun.

edit/: yesterday is no longer the best day of my 2010, TODAY is the best day of my 2010. wait, make that the best day of my life ((((:

我握住你的手，一起走一走。

went to NUS open house today with steph, the last of the open houses. NUS had alot of goodies in their goody bags, but the bags themselves were nothing more than two canvas bags.

i seriously think the sheares hall of NUS is damn cool la. if i get into NUS i'm definitely staying there, but because entry into NUS is so bloody steep(not really interview based, so me sad), i highly doubt i can get in.

had lunch at this makeshift tent thing, had a wrap consisted of veges(tasted like yusheng in a wrap), and hot and spicy tofu. the tofu damn shiok, thank god ate chilli med last night, nothing happened to me today.

right after lunch, saw megan. W.T.F. she's like hunting me down. i really think she hates me alot. i can literally feel the bad vibes when i see her.

went to NUS law school after that, had a tour and found out about the headless white lady at that campus. i don't believe. attend a mock court session, and now i know whose face to look out for when i need to hire a lawyer in the future; i'm never hiring the prosecution.

today is the happiest day of my 2010 so far, and nothing can ruin it(:

wow. what a fucking waste of my time. get lost, i don't wanna see you or talk to you ever again.

NTU open house.

today, i went to NTU's open house with steph. got tons of goodies and vouchers, and they gave this superb bag as the goodie bag. damn nice i tell you.

went around looking at the different degrees. basically i have totally no chance at all to jump to a different field of studies cuz the rest are all looking for 'A' math, so i guess i gotta stick to the media and design part, since they are also portfolio dependent.

saw megan halfway through, so we quickly walked away and hid, but we lift our eyes off her for less than 10 seconds and she mysteriously disappears. wow. that's what i call magic.

did this sand art thingie. my art and craft skills must be failing, i think mine looked like crap.

reached home, saw another bitching post about me on haslin's fb profile. it's like, wtf?! been asking her what the fuck did i do, she keeps calling me a liar. i didn't even lie to her about anything. totally fucked up. and she throw's my jacket away. i really really liked that jacket.

haslin, by any chance you are reading this, if you got anything to say, JUST FUCKING SAY IT IN MY FACE, STOP FUCKING BITCHING AROUND BEHIND MY BACK. WHO'S THE LIAR NOW? STOP LYING TO EVERYONE.

today, i went to the first CEP training at hortpark with steph, bith of us are in charge of the same station. had like an ice breaking game, where we had to affix an adjective to our name with the same starting letter, so i chose to be called "simple sebastian", then we had to remember everyone's name in a round, and i just had to be last.

after that, went to great world to watch alice in wonderland with steph and dunno how many other YOG people, didn't see weihao, but saw other people around, like alan. first time i saw the prada dude not wearing business shirt. the movie was okay, except for the irritating sheen that you see on everything when you put on 3D glasses, the story was alright, johnny depp was good, as usual, but personally i feel that this is oen of the lousier tim burton films.

on the way back received fucked up messages from haslin, telling me to say goodbye to my stuff. i asked her what the fuck did i do, and she didn't reply. funfair liddat. walked home, got on facebook only to realise that she threw my stuff away. whatever you can do i can do better.

best part is, there's this kid 3 years younger than me trying to challenge me. he made some stupid comment on haslin's FB page then deleted it, but i saw it first, so i told him to keep his butt out. here are the messages:

Sebastian TheFool 13 March at 01:17
eh, i suggest you keep your comments to yourself. know what happened, then comment, fucktard.

Matin Sjaichudin 13 March at 01:21 Report
y???got rule on fb tat say tat i can't comment on other ppl meh???if have then u tell me

Sebastian TheFool 13 March at 01:22
no, but you're just showing how fucking retarded you are.

Matin Sjaichudin13 March at 01:24 Report
no i dun think so...i think you're the one. cos u think u've got such nice vocab think u very big and scary.. hahaha u have to grow up u noe??

Sebastian TheFool 13 March at 01:25
yea, says the kid younger than me. spell properly, pig.

Matin Sjaichudin 13 March at 01:26 Report
younger but smarter lol.....

Sebastian TheFool 13 March at 01:27
yea, like totally smarter. wayyyy smarter in fact. why don't we meet up to see who's smarter?

and it ends there. i think he blocked me or sth cuz i don't see his profile pic and name in the msgs anymore. god i hate gutless people. want to pick a fight, then make sure you carry it out.

whatever, i couldn't really be bothered. i'm living my life, and i sure as hell not gonna let you affect it.

today, i went out with steph(yes, no more Y or XY or S) to continue volunteering at the YOG office.

when we reached there, i received a call from christian(a person) confirming our attendance in tomorrow's YOG movie bash (we're gonna go watch Alice in Wonderland), and i was already standing behind him when he was asking, hahaha.

i can't wait for tomorrow!!!!!

oh steph doesn't know 4 out of 5 ingredients i add to my honey water. the rest of you all doesn't know any of the 5. but let me assure you people that it's nothing illegal/harmful, they're commonly used ingredients okays. so steph, stop thinking i'm gonna kidnap you, i have better methods la.

why i chose to change my blog URL.

because i'm sick and tired of people prodding into my life.
because i'm sick and tired of using alphabets as names.
because i'm sick and tired of all her bullshit.
and because i'm sick and tired of her.

no more.

spent the last two days at the DIDM chalet. paid 20 bucks to eat a few cheesy hotdogs and a few satay, everything else was spicy so i cant eat.

will upload photos when i have the time.

spend tuesday daytime with Y at hortpark, cuz she hasn't been to the hortpark before and we were supposed to be stationed there for YOG duties. walked around, and when we were staring at a fish tank where all the fishes were staring at one single direction, a monitor lizard scuttled behind us and Y screamed and started whining cuz she's afraid of big lizards apparently.

18th is the day i confirm my job position at night safari, wish me luck. i have alot of things to do til then.

til then, go ahead and blame all your crazy shit on me. i don't care anymore.

你为什么不回来拿你的神秘礼物？

woke up this morning with a lousy mood. rarely do i wake up with a lousy mood.

stayed at home throughout today. did chores, then went to gym alone to workout for awhile since i had nothing to do. came back home, and it's like nothing happened even when i wasn't around. didn't have lunch, doubt i gonna have dinner.

i can't think. whatever's bothering me is blocking out the thoughts. i hope i'm better tomorrow. if this continues for the week i might just disappear. no one would miss me anyway.

regret. redemption.

remind me how this came to be,

every single line i see,

getting over my history,

rekindles hatred towards me.

empathy not where it seems,

there lies no options, to be redeemed.

后悔发生的一切.

today, went to SMU open house with XY, she just wanted to go see the social sciences part of SMU, so i followed lo, since yesterday's celebration also carried over today. tried to find out how a poly student can get into SMU also, and was horrified to find out that YOU NEED A-MATHS IN 'O' LEVELS TO GET INSIDE, AND A-MATHS IS THE ONE SUBJECT I DON'T HAVE! die.

after that we went to bugis, saw BS working, then she stare at XY, then at me. i was like, NO LA. then she got back to work, lol. had lunch at Fish & Co, first time i had something proper there, usually i just get chowder. apparently the platter for two is not really for two, cuz we couldn't finish, and it actually filled me up so much that i didn't need dinner.

Oh, and the one great thing that happened to us today: we finally found the thought-to-be-extinct Meiji's banana chocolate!!! wooo~

came home and re-examined my education options: i've decided to pursue psychology as a priority, and if not, i'm just gonna stay within art. if by some freak of nature chance that i can't excel in the arts area, then i'm just gonna be a teacher. yeah that's about it. trying not to get overseas if i can, can't really last without my friends.

从今天开始, 你所说的, 我会听取一切.

went to collect 'A' level results with XY today, she was happy with her results, above her class average. i'm proud of her la, but on the other hand, J, who got better results, was emo, cuz he's from hwachong JC and apparently you become an outcast just by getting a B, and J got 2 B's. lol.

was supposed to celebrate the good 'A' level outcomes, but didn't cuz XY parents already bought dinner for her, so just came home lo. my brother got sucky chinese results, i'm home early in case my mom gets too angry, cuz she's very proud of her heritage, so she wants us to excel in chinese. lol.

made S angry cuz i keep saying i wanted to treat her. to me, it's an act of chivalry, but since it makes you unhappy, i'll stop, okay (:

image credit to paperdaisies, deviantart.

my way of communication, it travels through my dreams,

profound messages that appear in a stream.

morning after morning, as i lie in my bed,

i contemplate what's going on around in my head.

today, they told me, to treasure what i lost,

today, they showed me, who i cared for the most.

with these visions reveal, their advice concealed,

"make sure she's happy, no matter what the cost."

i took their heed, i held on to their words,

for true love is a syndrome, it's pain is never heard.

even if i had to, i'll watch you from afar,

for i hope that you'll remember, you've always been my star.

image credit to uber dadeh, deviantart

disappear, my dreams, as you move towards the sky,

fluttering, slowly, like golden butterflies.

go on, and fly, far up high if you can,

for you'll never last long enough, if you were in my hands.

my mistakes, they haunt me, they fill me with unrest,

the thought of things that happened, it just leaves me depressed.

"an eye for an eye", is what people always say,

i hope the day will never come, for the betrayed will betray.

if only i could, i'll turn back time, i would,

back to the days where you and i once stood.

if only, if you'll give me, the chance to start anew,

i'll make up to you, the time we lost, these words i hold true.

image credited to duolegur, deviantart.

thank you lord, for restoring thy interneth.

for the past few days, singtel had problems with the internet, thats why i didn't blog. it was in the papers, i'm not bluffing. serious. life seriously sucks without the internet.

i'm veryveryvery sad now. cuz i just went through my email and it says that my application for youth planning committee of NDP is rejected; i wasn't shortlisted. is it because i'm from poly? )))))))))))))))))))))))))))):

before that i was veryveryvery happy. cuz just now went out with Y, went to the YOG headquarters to volunteer. Y and i packed like more than a couple of hundreds of goodie bags, and i was like in a trance, until i reached for the car decals to be included, and realised there wasn't any left.

after that went to vivo cuz i needed to go to the "honeymoon desserts" shop to check it out cuz the boss, J, really wants me to work there. so Y and i went to vivo, ate subway first, then went over. we walked right pass the shop, then i called J, only to be told to walk back. nthe place is not bad la, but i don't really wanna work there cuz long hours, and the place quite cramped for someone with long everything like me. i think i'm gonna apply for night safari.

before Y and i reached the shop, we walked pass this marriage photography exhibition in the middle of vivo, then two people stopped us, thinking Y and I gonna get married. so after going to the shop, Y and i decided to try walking around again, so including the 2 from before, we got a total of 8 approaches from the wedding people! AHHAHAHAHAHAHA(:

if only it was true huh, LOL.

image credit to darunia art, deviantart.