i realised.

i think.
i thought.
i 'thunk'.
i thank.

i think today was one of the worst days of my life. i woke up with a voice that sounded like the exhaust pipe of a low-grade motorbike, from screaming at eileen for almost half the time i saw her yesterday at the bbq, and considering the fact i drank barely a litre of water yesterday. i'm feeling so lousy now that even while i'm typing, my head is on the table. everything that got wet yesterday smelled so bad, i'm having them soaked in perfumed water as i'm typing, before i proceed to wash them a couple of times.

i thought hard about what happened to me yesterday/today. it got me feeling much worse after she said she didn't want to spoil this friendship, and i got into a serious fit. Now that i think of it, it was seriously not the way to handle things. I went down to my happy place and thought it over HARD, and took into consideration what people had said to me before. Now that i've got everything straightened out, i agree that this friendship is important, i wouldn't want it to turn sour also.

i 'thunk'-ed. because i was tired. and i'm still sick. i bet i slept half of today away. and i haven't ate anything since last night's bbq. and i also tripped and fell over my blanket around fifteen minutes ago, and now i've got a huge swollen bump on my head, and i wonder if it'll ever go down.

i thank christina. because i found enlightenment through her post yesterday. yes, i agree with her, we all know what we want deep inside, its just whether we've realised it or not. i did, i just want her to be happy (her not referring to christina, but i want her to be happy also) . ask yourselves: "what is rejection?" it is the fact of being rejected by somebody. have any of you been through this, really? i've not, and i never will.
quote christina: "wanting something and having it are two totally different things." and now i know what i want. that's my idea of a happy ending.

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